Coaching Insights: When Thoughts Start Running the Show

One theme that shows up regularly in coaching conversations is how much time people spend dealing with their own thinking.

Not just useful thinking, like solving problems or making decisions, but the thoughts that replay old moments, question your ability, or jump straight to the worst-case scenario.

For many people, this internal noise becomes part of the pressure they carry.  It doesn’t mean they’re doing anything wrong.  Their mind just rarely switches off.

This month, we'll take a look at what thoughts are, why some of them become intrusive or sticky, and how to create distance from them so they don’t end up running the show.

What we know about thoughts

One study estimated that the average person has more than 6,000 thoughts per day.  Our minds are constantly producing thoughts.

Some are deliberate, like planning your day, solving a problem, or deciding how to respond to an email.

Some are automatic, like replaying a conversation, jumping ahead to a possible outcome, or suddenly remembering something you forgot to do.

And some are intrusive, meaning they show up unwanted, often at inconvenient times, and can feel uncomfortable, repetitive, or out of character.

Research suggests unwanted intrusive thoughts are common, even among people without a diagnosed mental health condition.  In other words, having a strange, uncomfortable, or unhelpful thought is part of being human.

The issue is not that these thoughts show up.  The issue is how much energy they start taking from you.

So, what actually are thoughts?

At a simple level, thoughts are mental events.

They are the mind interpreting information, making predictions, replaying memories, solving problems, and preparing us for what might happen next.

This is useful.  Thinking helps you plan, communicate, make decisions, avoid mistakes, and navigate everyday life.

In fact, it likely plays a key role in your success.

But not every thought is useful, accurate, or worth acting on.

Some are just mental noise, which is often where intrusive thoughts can sit.

An intrusive thought is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong.  It may not mean anything or reflect something you want.  And it’s not automatically something you need to act on.

Sometimes the discomfort comes less from the thought itself, and more from the importance we give it.

The skill is not ignoring every thought.  The skill is learning which thoughts deserve your attention, and which ones simply need to be noticed and left alone.

When thoughts start running the show

The challenge is that we don’t always do that.

We analyse them, argue with them, and try to prove them wrong. 

That’s where the loop starts.

A thought creates a feeling.  The feeling makes the thought seem more important.

So, we give it more attention.  And the more attention we give it, the louder it becomes.

This is often where unnecessary stress builds.  Not because the thought is true, but because it takes up more space than it deserves.

Before long, we’re no longer just noticing it.  We’re inside it, reacting to it.

Letting it shape how we feel, what we avoid, what we say, or how present we are with the people around us.

It’s a bit like having a roommate in your head who comments on everything. “You probably shouldn’t say that.” “That didn’t go well.” “What if this falls apart?”

The problem sn’t that the roommate talks.  The problem is that we often assume the roommate knows what they’re talking about. 

They don’t always.

Creating distance from the voice

One of the most useful shifts is learning to hear the voice without immediately becoming it.

Instead of asking: “Why am I thinking this?”

Try asking: “What am I noticing right now?”

That question creates distance.

You may notice worry, self-doubt, an old memory, or the internal roommate offering another unsolicited opinion.

That doesn’t mean you need to argue with it, obey it, suppress it, or invite it in for a strategy meeting.

A more useful sequence is to name it, ground yourself, then choose the next useful action.

Name it: “This is a thought.” “This is worry.” “This is my mind scanning for risk.”

Ground yourself: take a breath, notice your feet on the floor, and look around the room.

Then choose: “What is the next useful thing I can do?”

That is the shift.

Not silencing your mind.  Just noticing what's happening internally, coming back to the present, and choosing where your attention goes next.

That matters because ambition becomes much easier to sustain when not every thought gets to dictate your state, your decisions, or your direction.

Sometimes the most useful response is simply: “Thanks, mind. Noted.”

Then return to what actually matters.

Get in touch

If this topic resonates, feel free to reply and let me know what stood out.

Sometimes one small shift in how you think or respond under pressure is enough to create a very different experience, for you and for others.

If you’d like to explore what that could look like for you, I’m happy to talk it through.

Regards,

Gavin Smithen

Thrive Again Coaching

www.thriveagaincoaching.com